When Memory is Not Enough
With the busy lives most of us lead, even those who don’t have attention deficit disorder forget appointments, where they put their glasses, if they already mailed a letter and so on. If you have ADHD chances are you not only forget to start something, but also to stop if you’re in hyperfocus mode. You might forget where you’ve put something important, or to bring something necessary with you when you leave the house. Timers and reminders are great solutions—not perfect, but great.
Some people have trouble getting started or staying focused. Use a kitchen timer or “timetimer” (www.timetimer.com) and set it for 15 or 20 minutes. Knowing that you only have to do something for that brief span can make it easier. Use a variation of that for anything you may get overly involved with. Set the timer to remind you to stop. Or say you need to leave the house at a certain time. Set the timer to remind you that your leaving time is in __ minutes.
As for reminders, some people use reminders on their phones or computers. Others prefer post it notes, or signs on the wall, the door, the bathroom mirror—wherever you’re are certain to look. What are some of your best strategies?
Walking Backwards to Arrive on Time
Can’t seem to make appointments on time? Here’s an easy to implement strategy.
Scheduling Commitments Keeps You on Track
If someone made a commitment, pledge, or guarantee to you would you have an expectation of fulfillment? So if you want to accomplish something that you say is important to you, or even imperative, would you be willing to make a commitment that you’ll handle it how and when you say you will? Great!
In the last blog post we looked at scheduling priorities and thinking of them as commitments. You want to put these into whatever calendar system you use as if they are appointments. They have fixed time slots.
Now we all know that sometimes appointments need to be changed. Fine. Just make sure to reschedule in a timely fashion. I use Outlook and love that I can drag an email with a “to do” into a calendar space. Also that it’s easy to move an appointment to another day and time if necessary, or to schedule recurring appointments. And I always color code.
You can schedule tasks, too. It’s always helpful to think in terms of categories. An example would be driving home from a meeting you know you need to stop at the store and pick something up at the cleaners. Both are on the way. Note those in your schedule so you’ll remember, and always give yourself five or ten minutes more than you think you’ll need.
Do You Know How to Determine Priorities?
Knowing, scheduling and attending to your priorities are important parts of time management. You might have priorities in several areas of life that all need to be addressed in a timely fashion. For example daily exercise might be a health priority, household management could be a home priority, and working with clients plus bookkeeping might be two work priorities.
People with attention deficit disorder often respond well to visuals. You get to go in design mode to do this. Materials: a paper print out of a weekly calendar, a sheet of plain paper, a pen or pencil, colored markers or crayons. Ready? List the eight to ten major categories that your life revolves around. Determine a color for each. Decide what absolutely must be done in any of the categories this week and find a place on the calendar to block time using the appropriate color. Consider these appointments. The must do’s are your priorities. Think of them as commitments. Fill in the other times in the week with things that might also be important, but have no deadline or imperative. Open times are also good in case shifts must be made.
Need help with this? www.ArtfulCoaching.com
What Exactly is ADHD?
Attention deficit disorder, ADD, or currently known as ADHD, is different in just about everyone. If you have ADHD you may have heard the following criticisms, “Why can’t you pay attention?” or “I already told you a hundred times, what’s the matter with you?” “Can’t you just sit still?” “Stop interrupting.” If you responded with something like, “I just can’t,” you may have been told, “Sure you can. It’s all in your head.”
Actually it is “all in your head.” ADHD is a neurobiological condition. It’s because of the way your brain developed. Fortunately brains are “plastic.” You can form habits to address many of your challenges and begin to make improvements in things like time management, organization, restlessness, and overwhelm.
I want to invite you to go to my Artful Coaching page on Facebook and type in some questions about challenges you’d like to have addressed.
What is an ADHD Coach Anyway?
Today I’m going to tell you what I do as a coach.
Back in the early 90’s while I was working on my doctorate in expressive arts therapy, I had to fulfill a requirement to attend two conferences. I signed up for one called Artist Conference Network, which was based on a coaching community for people in the arts. I found coaching to be so valuable that I stayed in the group for a year, and researched where I could get further coach training. This led me to the Coaches Training Institute where I eventually received certification.
When I first began coaching I worked primarily with people in the arts: musicians, photographers, painters, writers, but I’ve also coached a city manager, a superintendent of schools, wellness practitioners, students, computer people, and many others.
Most people come to coaching to help them achieve goals that they desire but never seem to accomplish, develop habits that will help them have more successful and satisfied lives, or to rid themselves of habits that prevent these things. I typically offer a complimentary half hour phone session so people can get a sense of what coaching is like, and we can learn if we’d be a good fit to work together.
If yes, I send information to help them prepare for our first hour-long, in person intake session. There’s a form that helps them identify their top values, as these serve as motivators, and when met, sources of fulfillment, and another form to help them clarify the primary things they wish to focus on in the coaching relationship.
During the intake I use a tool to have the person look at what’s going on in the various areas of their lives—home, health, career, finances, relationships with friends, family, significant other and so on. We look at the areas where they are not satisfied, and determine if and what changes they’d like to make there.
We also look at where they are doing well to see if there are skills and resources we can apply in the weaker areas. It’s a bit like a swot analysis.
Then we set specific goals and create action plans. Coaching is not therapy. It focuses on strengths and solutions, goals, and developing a stronger sense of one’s abilities. We continue with weekly half hour sessions, usually on the phone, when I hold the person accountable, look at what worked, what didn’t and what’s next.
I specialize in non-linear thinkers—people who consider themselves unable to prioritize, get things done in a timely fashion, be on time, be organized, handle the schedule that is often overfull.
Most of my clients are in the arts or have attention deficit disorder (ADHD), though some people are just challenged with some of the same issues.
These include:
Trouble concentrating and staying focused
- Zoning out in conversations
- Easily distracted
- Trouble completing tasks
- Tendency to overlook details
Another side of this is hyper focus
- Getting so involved with something interesting, the computer, a project that they are late for other tasks or appointments
Disorganization and forgetfulness is another area of challenge that includes:
- Poor organizational skills
- Tendency to procrastinate
- Trouble starting and finishing big projects
- Chronic lateness
- Forgetting appointments, commitments and deadlines
- Constantly losing or misplacing things
- Underestimating how long it take to complete a task
Impulsivity
- Interrupting or talking over others
- Blurting
Restlessness
Often these people are underachievers, and may have poor self-esteem. They’ve frequently been criticized by others and are self-critical.
I help people develop systems and strategies such as learning how to identify priorities, blocking time, using a calendar as a commitment book, using timers and white boards. And learning to say “no.” I also encourage, support and champion them in their process.
One of my current clients, a self-employed, single mom in the arts, began coaching because she had problems with time management. She had little to no idea about how to identify priorities and plan her days so she could get everything done and have work/life balance. She wanted to create a business plan and develop systems for organizing and handling scheduling and paperwork.
We looked at the things that she most wanted in her life: time for her daughter, health maintenance, home, and working on and in her business. Then we made a time picture and looked at what she wanted each day and week and how to fit that in—kind of like doing a puzzle. We also created a plan for how she wanted to both grow and handle her business and she began to implement systems to make sure she could succeed. Finally she created a designated space and time for client calls, mail, bookkeeping and such. With weekly check-ins, she began to turn these new behaviors into habits.
People often know what to do and how to do it, but they need to break it down in conversation. Sometimes they don’t know and I either ask for permission to make suggestions or ask them where they might get the information they need.
When you hear someone talk about any of the items I listed or if you know someone who has these behaviors, and you know they are causing them grief, you can ask if they’d be interested in learning skills and resources to overcome the problem behaviors. Then offer a complimentary half hour phone session. My gift to you to pass on.
Growing up with ADHD
When I was a child my two favorite activities were reading and daydreaming. Unfortunately being a daydreamer was not an advantage in school. In my third grade class there was an advanced reading group that I longed to enter, but instead I had to sit in the hall trying to finish my arithmetic problems which I hadn’t done in class because I couldn’t focus on the lessons.
Other than in drama and art, I didn’t do that well in high school either. I eventually made it to college, but was devastated when, after two years, I flunked out. Somehow I managed to misinterpret assignments, which coupled with poor study habits provided fatal to my career as a student. But with alternative education I managed to earn first a bachelor’s degree, then a master’s and finally a doctorate.
Being different led me to come up with creative alternatives to many things. I developed lots of coping strategies, but generally felt like there was something wrong with me, like I was an outsider or a misfit.
Much later in life I learned attention deficit disorder was the neurobiological condition responsible for my way of being. Like others with attention deficit disorder such as political consultant, James Carville, who also flunked out of college the first time, or Olympic swimmer, Michael Phelps, I came to realize that people with ADHD are not cursed and certainly can be wildly successful.
Coaching helped me address the challenges of losing things, not listening well, being fidgety, not knowing how to prioritize, and overwhelm. Now I coach others with the things I’ve learned…and am still learning.
You Get To!
No one likes to be told what to do. Even if “You have to…” comes from a little voice in your head, it’s generally a message you’ll find yourself avoiding. Think about it. When you tell yourself “you have to clean out the garage,” or “you have to exercise before breakfast,” or “you better get started on your taxes,” how do you usually feel? Even worse is the message with the should in it, like “you really should turn off the television and …”
One of the reasons we resist these messages is that they make us feel like children being given orders by a strict parent. Do you ever find yourself responding to an order feeling like a resistant child thinking, “I won’t and no one can make me.” Uh huh. Not that uncommon.
But there are ways to get things done that you need to do, and know would be good to do. In one of these ways you still get to be like a child if you like, a playful child, finding a way to make it fun.
Another way is to go into the adult mode. From this place, you don’t have to do anything. You get to, simply because it’s a good idea or a smart move. Try it.
When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take it.
There’s a technique I learned when studying hypnosis called “macro sequence intervention.” The gist of it is that we have habits of behavior and we can change them. A habit like hanging up your coat is triggered by walking in the door and taking your coat off. If you are a person who instead, tosses your coat on a chair you might have a problem sequence.
So let’s say you want to change the problem sequence of walking in the door, taking off your coat and tossing it on the chair to the more responsible habit of walking in the door, taking off your coat, going to the closet and putting your coat on a hanger.
There’s a decision point that occurs as you take off your coat. Generally, you wouldn’t be conscious of making the decision to toss rather than hang. The change requires deciding you want to make a change and then determining what resources you will need at the time of the decision point to achieve the new outcome.
Maybe it’s a little note stuck to the door, or reminding yourself that it only takes 17 seconds to hang up your coat, or imagining how nice your place looks without clothing strewn around.
Try a little mental rehearsal. Imagine a specific event when you did something successfully and it was really easy. Recall how you felt. Now from that feeling space, imagine walking in the door, taking off your coat, going to the closet, hanging your coat, and having it be EASY.
It’s all about making the right choice, in the right way at the right time.
Overwhelmed by Daily Tasks?
People with Attention Deficit Disorder are generally challenged by linear thinking.
